remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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