dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
