life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
