i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
