he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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