ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
