Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
