It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
