Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
