Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
