I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's rum buckets o'clock
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
