would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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