i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
