she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
