you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
