i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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