I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
