I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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