I cockslap morals
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
