i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she told me i tasted like america
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
