I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
