No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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