I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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