how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You are a genius and a whore.
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