exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this is an emotional support booty call
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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