i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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