Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
