You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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