Already got asked if we're dating
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
