You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
