he puts the penis in happiness.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
