When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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