Umm I'm too high to move.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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