sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
