The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
