My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
