I got chris browned last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
