angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
