Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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