Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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