It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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