Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
