I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it glows. i had to have it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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