does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
