For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
