These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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