i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
