I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
