ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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