Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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