They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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