and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
