What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
