My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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