I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
third nipple confirmed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
