so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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