I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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