The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My cat gives me a boner
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
