What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
