She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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