I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
