Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
