after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
