I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sarcasm needs its own font
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
