Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
