That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize