Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
