I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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