why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
